Tis Pity He's a Writer

Richard Daybell – Novels, stories and short humor

How High’s the Water, Mama?

floodIt’s been raining at least once every couple of hours for more than 40 days now which, in addition to making me want to smite small children and animals, suggests that, were I a believer, and I’m not saying I am, the time to start building an ark might be close at hand. Just in case the Big Guy comes calling — or Big Momma or Big Sexless One if you prefer.   It seems that each sex should have its own deity. For so many years, women have been forced to pray to a male god.  It must be a little offputting.  And men praying to a female god? In your dreams.

Anyway, it’s been raining forever, and upon arrival, the Big One is bound to give word that it’s time to start collecting those pairs of animals. Among other things, this means that not only can’t I kill our woodchuck, but I’ve got to go out and find another one. We already have two cats, but I guess since they’re neutered they don’t count.

I have a bit of insight into how this flood business went down the first time around, having attended Sunday School in my very young years (it may not have been voluntary, but I really did). They told us how the Big Guy (if it was Big Momma, she had a long flowing white beard) got rather annoyed with people and decided to have them put down – all except Noah. Noah was instructed to build an ark made out of cubits and fill it with wildlife – two of each kind.

In our Sunday School, they were somewhat vague (intentionally, I imagine) about the reason for having two of each animal and why neutered ones wouldn’t cut it. (I’m suddenly troubled by the image on a neutered rhino.) The explanation they gave us was that each kind of animal needed a friend so it wouldn’t have to fraternize with animals of another species. Being five or six and living in well-regulated neighborhoods, we bought this.

The water in the creek below us has a good thirty yards to rise before it threatens us, but I do have my cubits ready just in case.

I wonder what happens if the Big One tells everybody to build an ark?

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This entry was posted on July 6, 2013 by in It's a Jungle Out There and tagged , , , , , , .

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