Tis Pity He's a Writer

Richard Daybell – Novels, stories and short humor

An Interview with the Last Undecided Voter

Q And who do you plan to vote for in the presidential election?

A I haven’t decided.

Q Do you know who’s running?

A Of course, I know who’s running. President What’s His Name and that Mormon guy.

Q But you haven’t decided which one to vote for. Are you leaning either way?

A Well, I like the Mormon guy’s vice president. She’s hot. I love the way she says “Drill, baby, drill.”

Q That’s Sarah Palin, and that was the election four years ago.

A Oh. Well maybe I’ll go for the other guy. He got Obama.

Q You mean Osama?

A Whatever.

Q Did you watch the debates?

A No, I don’t like debates. Too much talk.

Q But you’ve seen the TV ads for the two candidates?

A No, I flip channels during ads.

Q You read the newspaper?

A Yeh, parts of it.

Q Which parts do you read?

A Mostly the sports.

Q Who do you want to win the World Series?

A I haven’t decided.

Q Back to the election. You do plan to vote?

A Of course.

Q But if you don’t follow debates, ads or newspapers how do you plan to decide on a candidate?

A I guess I’ll talk to the guys on my bowling team.

Q Well that’s one way. And you do plan to vote on election day. That’s good.

A Yeah, when is it?

Q A week from Tuesday.

A Tuesday, huh? That’s my bowling night.

Q But you’ll still vote?

A Well, when I get home from work, I barely have time for dinner before bowling.

Q You could vote early, like on the weekend before.

A We’re pretty busy on Saturday, and we go to church on Sunday.

Q Which church do you attend?

A I haven’t decided.

Q Well, thank you for talking to me. And I hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your day.   It is a beautiful October day, isn’t it?

A I haven’t decided.

David Sedaris (in the New Yorker) on undecided voters:

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?”

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17 comments on “An Interview with the Last Undecided Voter

  1. Craig Dunford
    October 24, 2012

    COULD NOT AGREE MORE ! Well put my friend.

    Like

  2. Joel Kucharski
    October 24, 2012

    Think outside the box… vote the third party of your choice!

    Don’t vote for either of the two major parties… it just encourages them.

    Like

    • Richard Daybell
      October 24, 2012

      It does, doesn’t it? Maybe we should not just think outside the box, but mark our X outside the box. It’s great to hear from you.

      Like

  3. elroyjones
    October 24, 2012

    Great commentary but now I’m more scared than I was, love the Sedaris analogy.

    Like

    • Richard Daybell
      October 24, 2012

      Thank you for the comment and reblog. A week of scary movies and two weeks of scary election 2012 may be just too much for the old ticker. It’s nice when I can spread the fear around.

      Like

  4. Pingback: Richard Daybell Strikes Again | elroyjones

  5. melanielynngriffin
    October 24, 2012

    Hysterical…kind of. I’m trying so hard not to get political, but then next thing I know, I’m blogging about climate change. And that can only lead to one vote.

    Like

  6. Michael Sadowski
    October 24, 2012

    Like your inclusion of the David Sedaris bit. He’s my favorite writer at present. It may…or may not be evident that I try to emulate him in my own writing. Incidentally, my blog’s on hold right now because I am working on a script. “I’ll be Back!” soon.

    Like

  7. harperfaulkner
    October 25, 2012

    Richard, nice job and a good read. I felt much like you do until just yesterday when I talked to an undecided voter. It turns out she is a strong supporter of an organization that is telling her how to vote. She respects their opinion, but does not respect their candidate. She feels she has been lied to and betrayed. She is torn and conflicted. I believe she will not make her final decision until she stands in the voting booth. So, no matter how clear it seems to us, it remains muddy for others and I would guess the reasons vary. Thanks again for the good read. HF

    Like

    • Richard Daybell
      October 25, 2012

      Of course you’re right. I’m sure there are many people out there agonizing over their vote (it’s more fun to write about those who aren’t). We only hope that when your undecided voter goes into the booth and no one is looking over her shoulder, she can vote with peace of mind.

      Like

  8. Beth Crane
    October 27, 2012

    It does boggle the mind. But as for 3rd party candidates (Joel), I haven’t heard a peep out of Ralph Nader this year, and is Lyndon LaRouche still in the laland of the laliving? I’m decided and marking inside the box this election, but if I were thinking of straying, I’d have to have a pretty amazing alternative to make me cast my vote to the winds.

    Like

    • Richard Daybell
      October 28, 2012

      Lyndon LaRouche, if alive, is an amazing alternative. Actually, if dead, even more amazing. Ralph who?

      Like

  9. Mike McGuire
    October 28, 2012

    Daybell, I vote opposite Jeff Perkins and he votes for Romney

    Like

    • Richard Daybell
      October 29, 2012

      Welcome aboard, Mike McGuire. Let’s all vote opposite Jeff Perkins — and often.

      Like

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This entry was posted on October 24, 2012 by in Strange Bedfellows and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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