Richard Daybell – Novels, stories and short humor
Wayne LaPierre, a top gun in the N.R.A., was whining in my newspaper the other day. “In the aftermath of one of Florida’s many daily tragedies, my phone has been ringing off the hook,” he lamented. He was referring to the phone calls he had received as a result of the Trayvon Martin killing.
I’m afraid I can’t work up any sympathy for Mr. LaPierre’s phone plight. You see a few days earlier, I received a phone call from Mr. LaPierre – a robocall to be precise. Robocalls are a nefarious idea that allows folks like Mr. LaPierre to call people like me and speak to us without interruption. No back talk. Not even any polite questions (sort of like an Etch-a-Mitt public appearance). You can’t even hang up on the robocaller. Well, you can hang up, but pick up the receiver and there he is still babbling on. You can’t break the connection. Using his second amendment right to arm bears, he has commandeered your phone. If I had had a gun I would have shot the phone.
Mr. LaPierre went on to say (in his whine, not his robocall) not to go blaming him. The evil media is to blame for his dialing dilemma. “You manufacture controversy for ratings,” he groused. He couldn’t understand why people were so upset about this particular shooting. “By the time I finish this speech,” he continued, “two Americans will be slain, six women will be raped, 27 of us will be robbed, and 50 more will be beaten.” He didn’t say how many of them involved the bearing of arms.
There are approximately 200 million guns in private hands in the United States. That’s nearly four for every Republican.
Back in my gun-toting days as a member of the Army Reserves on active duty, I didn’t think twice about the second amendment. Let me correct that. It was back in my rifle-toting days. Calling it a gun meant immediate punishment – not painful but certainly humiliating.
I toted that rifle a lot, fired it a little, and cleaned it every day whether it was dirty or not. And I was not allowed bullets, except under close supervision. Which gives me a wonderful awful Mayberry idea for a grand compromise between Mr. LaPierre and his followers and gun control advocates. Let those who want to tote tote all the firepower they want to, arm themselves to the molars. Just no bullets.