Tis Pity He's a Writer

Richard Daybell – Novels, stories and short humor

Rodgers and Hammerstein Are Frauds. Irving Berlin Too.

Julie Andrews and Von Trapps running from killer bees

It’s barely spring, and the hills of Vermont are alive with the sound of eighty degree temperatures, giving us a chance to venture out into the great outdoors.  A little maintenance, clean out a flower bed or two, rake.  Our resident swarm of bees had the same idea — without the raking.  We’ve long debated whether these bees are honey bees or some less desirable species.

I have ended the debate.  They are killer bees — murderous, cutthroat, bloodthirsty killer bees.  And one of their crack snipers got me.  I was tending to a bed, not threatening them in any way, and he swooped in and stung me on my eyelid.   Before long I looked like I had caught a baseball with my right eye.  I tried to recall what I had seen or heard about treating a bee sting and the Rodgers and Hammerstein cure came to me.  I spent the rest of the day remembering my favorite things, even drinking a couple of them.  It did nothing for me.

I spent a while standing out in front, stooped over, looking very much like Quasimodo, frightening away passing neighborhood children.  But I soon tired of this game.

Eventually I toddled off to bed.  But sleep wouldn’t come.  Finally I remembered Irving Berlin’s prescription for insomnia and began methodically counting my blessings instead of sheep.  As it turns out, one’s blessings and one’s favorite things are pretty much the same.  Three a.m.  I’m on my 137th blessing and wide awake.  I won’t bore you with the details of my 137 blessings, but I

Waiting for passers by

will tell you that Rodgers and Hammerstein and bees are not among them.

Today I will perch atop the rock wall out front on hands and knees pretending to be a radiation-mutated giant bullfrog, croaking at passers by.  Life goes on.

Be my little baby bumble bee.  Buzz around.  Buzz around.  Keep abuzzing round.

Advertisements

9 comments on “Rodgers and Hammerstein Are Frauds. Irving Berlin Too.

  1. pouringmyartout
    March 22, 2012

    The hills are alive with the sound of buzzing… and screaming…

    Like

  2. Kenton Lewis
    March 22, 2012

    Richard,
    Completely enthralled with the story and the way you wrote it. Right now I can’t get “The Flight of the Bumble Bee” out of my head.
    I’ve been to Vermont a couple of times. It is required of my faith to visit Ben & Jerry’s at least once.
    Kenton

    Like

    • Richard Daybell
      March 23, 2012

      Now you’ve done it. Flight of the Bumble Bee is now in my head as well.

      Like

  3. elroyjones
    March 22, 2012

    Amused, would like to say delighted but that could be misconstrued. A MOST entertaining post, particularly the radiation mutated giant bullfrog bit.

    Like

    • Richard Daybell
      March 23, 2012

      I’ve always been a sucker for radiation mutated giant bullfrogs. And the giant ants from “Them.”

      Like

  4. Michael Sadowski
    March 25, 2012

    Recalls my favorite scene from “Sound of Music”…wherein Julie Andrews and those god-awful little brats are swarmed to death by killer bees. Wait…I think that was an alternate ending left on the cutting room floor…unfortunately. Funny post, Richard. (BTW, it’s ALWAYS 80 degrees here in SoCal, buddy. Even on Xmas Day…)

    Like

  5. Pingback: The Killer Bee Chronicles Continue | Tis Pity He's a Writer

Jump Right In

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: