Richard Daybell – Novels, stories and short humor
Poor God is in a bit of a pickle. Two favorites are battling each other for the honor of tossing that black guy out of the White House. And they’re both certain that God is backing them. One is certain that God truly believes in Rick Perry. After all didn’t he bring the entire state of Texas to its knees in prayer. Not so fast says Michele Bachmann. “God always liked me best.”
It’s a real dilemma. Perhaps if there were more than one God. Many Gods. Wait, haven’t we tried that before? No, just one God. If that, snickers one Doubting Richard. Why don’t you believe in God, people don’t ask me. One word: mosquitoes. On exactly which day did God create mosquitoes? God creates millions of blood sucking little vampires, then insists that Adam and Eve run around naked? That’s pretty mean-spirited. And that could be why God has always been partial to Republicans, going so far as to occasionally smite a democrat
God really likes both Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann. But God’s real favorite is shoot-to-kill Palin. God likes guns. Didn’t God give the ten commandments to Charlton Heston?
A digression: The movie in which God gave Charlton Heston the ten commandments was oddly enough Cecil B. Demille’s The Ten Commandments. The movie had its world premiere in Salt Lake City, and I somehow got a ticket to attend. Cecil B. Demille himself was there. After the movie, I walked right up to him to ask him how he parted the Red Sea or something like that. He listened politely as I began to speak, but the president of the LDS church who was standing next to him shooed me away. Maybe that’s why I’m not a Mormon today.
Mitt Romney deludes himself into thinking God likes him, his being a Mormon and all. But he bores God. God ought to give him some credit. Like democrats who talk for the trees (and sometimes to them), Romney speaks up for the poor maligned corporations. “Corporations are people too,” he cries on their behalf. “If you prick them do they not bleed? If you tickle them do they not laugh? If you poison them do they not die?” C’mon take Citicorp to lunch. Give Halliburton a hug.
The other wanna-bes bore God as well, no matter how much they pander. No, it’s Perry or Bachmann. And sooner or later God will stop straddling that fence on high and back one of them. We’ll be waiting for the announcement: God has scheduled a news conference for Tuesday afternoon.